Easier said than done

Well it's been a while and probably because I went back to school and I've been doing a little show that's closing tonight. ( it ran during the week, weird I know) Well to be honest my eating habits are kind of on the back burner, it's really strange going back to school. It's been about five years since I was in school full time and now I remember why the "freshman fifteen" were always talked about, it's super hard to eat healthy on a day where you leave home at 8am and don't get home until 8:30 pm moving from class to class, with no fridge at school. I mean if you don't make some sort of bagged lunch you resort to vending machines or food trucks. Me, only vending machines, unfortunately food trucks gross me out a bit. Then again my food situation at home isn't much better. While my husband talks about wanting to lose weight he doesn't need to try as hard. Whenever he goes grocery shopping he doesn't buy fresh, he usually buys cheap, which is mostly things I shouldn't eat, breads, pastas, sale donuts, etc. It's not easy!! So many times i'm like "this is serious I need to lose weight" so I buy fresh, I do the gym, whatever I have to do. Then I have days well it's turned into weeks where I'm not focused, I eat what I want and I seldom visit the gym. It sucks that so many people can get away with this lifestyle that I'm beating myself up over. I know I will get back on the bandwagon but talking about it doesn't yield results. I'll just have to get a routine. That's the part that's so hard, honestly, I just don't feel like it.

Un motivation

Okay well let's see I've had a bit of a sh#**y couple days not including yesterday which was valentines day! Sometimes I just have zero motivation to do anything, and it's not easy to get past because most days I have nothing to do. I am currently not working,no show,not many auditions, and haven't started school yet so If I want to slack off and do lets say ... Nothing nobody will notice either way but this gives me an easy out. I find the best thing to do for me is to wake up and immediately get going on chores, working out, whatever, but if I turn the tv on, or computer on I'm immediately un motivated. I'm hoping when I go back to school and hopefully get some sort of part time job I will feel more motivated as I will have something going on everyday. I am not a mom I don't have kids to watch so honestly most of the time I don't know what to do with myself. I've always worked and stayed super busy. If I stayed motivated I would have lost all the weight by now, biggest loser style working out eight hours a day because I can!! But I don't! I haven't ran in over a week. Im probably going to have to start the c to 5k over!! And auditions I literally have to prep every single thing the night before so I am completely ready otherwise in the morning that's my excuse not to go, it's seriously ridiculous. Someone please give me some ideas for motivation!! Or tell me a good doctor to prescribe speed...(just kidding)

Hate is such a strong word..

     I remember when I was little my grandma used to say "hate is such a strong word...you should say you strongly dislike" Now that's just fine and dandy when I am talking about some things like how I strongly dislike the fact that the heater in my apartment turns it into a sauna, or that my sink is clogged because my husband shaved a wooly mammoth off his face. Some things however, I HATE and what better place to write about them then on a blog.

Oh speaking of the word then...I HATE when people comment about grammar like Then Vs Than and Your Vs You're etc. If you do this believe me I get it but, Really?!?!? says the generation who uses things like K as an answer, LOL, JK, LMAO, oh and a fave, STFU honestly sometimes they get so out of hand that I am like what?!?? is that a university or a sorority?? I mean If I get confused with normal grammar or the almighty spell-check thinks that's what I am trying to say, we are not all editors so who cares..go work at a newspaper.

I HATE counting calories. I HATE the gym, I go but I still HATE it. I HATE waking up for an audition that starts at 10am at 6am THEN singing for about 10 seconds..no I'm lying It's like a minute but you get it. I HATE when spawn of famous actors are famous, It's just not fair...while I'll admit some of them are good still It's just not fair but then again life just isn't fair. With that being said I HATE actors who are like "oh I never wanted to be an actor..it just happened" Are you kidding me?? There are thousands of non-working actors who would gladly take your place that actually want that to be there life. Go be a philanthropist somewhere. I HATE when my computer says (not responding) that's right I have a PC. Oh and ask my husband I HATE when the shower curtain gets wet because it's in the shower instead of the outside.

Facebook...I HATE you!! You want me to add people I don't like, You let people I don't like add me and YOU'RE always telling me things that make me feel bad. Like so and so is a doctor, so and so just bought a house. You shouldn't tan, not to mention all the save the animals stuff...I don't want to cry every time I come on facebook..Come On! My question is will this social networking stuff ever get old? Will we be ever be able to talk to each other normally, and have events using good ol' fashion mail invitations? well that's enough of the HATE word, It really is such a strong word...Well I am going to go get something I LOVE Fro-Yo (FR-Oz-en YO-gurt) :)

Yumm

Okay so this isn't much of a post but I just had to share this fabulous snack I found on hellogiggles.com this hilarious website I frequent. They are called apple "nachos". I made mine with one apple sliced thin, all natural peanut butter heated then drizzled, covered with raisins and chopped walnuts. Obviously though you can do it a zillion ways to your liking...even on the site they have a yummy example with caramel and choc chips but those aren't exactly figure friendly :) anyway I think it is a fabulous play on food... Now off to the gym...

Couch to 5K

  Okay so I am taking another page from my friend Mallory's book and have started to attempt the couch to 5k program. I downloaded the app on my Iphone for .99 it really helps me since I need someone guiding me or I will just throw in the towel. Basically it tells you when to jog then when to walk and it can also GPS you which is how you know how long your mile is. Today was my second workout and lets see..well...someone please tell me this gets easier!! How can running be this hard, when so many people do it on a daily basis, and this is only my second day? If you are not familiar with the couch to 5k, in the first 3 days you literally only jog like 3-4 minutes,the rest is walking, you are supposed to work your way up to jogging a 5k (3. something miles in 9 weeks). Already my time is longer than the first day and my shins still hurt (I think I need better sneakers, but still!) However I will say this program can't be a total bust because soo many people do it including my friend Mal who is NOW training for the Disney Princess 1/2 marathon or marathon? I can't remember. Anyway so awesome and so excited for her, maybe one day I will be signing up with her (Hey, I wanna run with Minnie too!!).

   My plan is to be active 6 days a week. 3 Running, 3 in the gym or at Zumba or both, 1 day to think about how active I am being:) In my head right now this sounds like an awesome plan and I could probably add gym to one of the running days also if I really wanna get crazy. I know I can do this right now but we will see what happens when I go back to school in March, but then again they have a swimming pool. I'd love to take up swimming!! So that's all for now ... Today I am going to attempt to make these low cal pumpkin cupcakes from skinnytaste.com with the leftover pumpkin I had frozen from the holidays. Pumpkin is really hot right now, I have found so many articles about how great it is for not only your body but for your skin!! In women's health I found a pumpkin and honey face mask that reduces redness!! Who doesn't love a mask you can eat!?!?  I'd love to hear some of your favorite low cal recipes, and/or sites...

I'm sorry does that make you un-comfortable?

 Okay so lately I have noticed when talking to people regarding weight (no I don't mean that I'm like "hey so about YOUR weight") I mean I am just talking in general about my own weight saying something like "yeah I am too heavy for that" or "yeah I've gained so much weight since then" or whatever. People get really un-comfortable, you would think I started talking about my sex life or something. They automatically feel like they have to deny the fact I am heavy or say "No you're not" or give me a look like "you're crazy". I mean yes I may be a bit hard on myself as I will continue to be until I lose the weight, but I am very aware of the number on my scale as well as the comparison of your skinny ass to mine. So it is now clear to me since the last few encounters regarding weight that starting this blog was an excellent idea. Now I can talk about weight all I want and not have to get a weird look like I'm weird talking about weight, or maybe it is weird I don't know. Or maybe it's just me insecure about it so I feel like I have to let people know I know that I am heavy, but what am I ? a psychiatrist...nope. So for now I will keep the weight talk to the blog.

Food for Thought

First of all I want to give a thank you to my oldest friend Mallory and her Mom Jacquie for the shout out on their blogs, these are two very beautiful and inspirational women, I am so happy to have known them so long...


Now a little food for thought

I found this photo on facebook and I'm sure it's on many other sites with many various opinions. Some people think it's hating on each other by saying one is hotter than the other. While alot of people think It's meant to give a self esteem boost to women who aren't rail thin. I can definitely see sides of both but I can also say this doesn't make me feel either way. I hate when people are like "When will being heavier be in style again?" I don't feel Thin or Heavy should matter, it should be healthy, comfortable, and personable that matters. For once I'd just like to be seen as a person, not a body. While that isn't easy trying to be an actress and producer type people don't think you can even be on T.V. if you aren't a sample size just once it would be nice to hear "I love your voice, and personality" not "I really like your look...but" lucky for me I am only trying to do stage work :)  So for now I will continue working towards a healthier me not just a more acceptable me...


One last thing If you happen to visit this blog and live anywhere near NYC please come check out an Evening of One Acts Fri. & Sat. @ 8pm and Sun. @ 7pm @ The Producers Club W 44th Btwn 8th and 9th Presented by LoveCreek Productions Tkts $15.00


Hope everyone has an amazing weekend!!

My arch nemesis Wii Fit Wendy

Wii Fit Wendy is such a B*#ch!! She's all "great!" "Ohhh" when you get on the board it's like geeze Wendy not everyone can be skinny like a board!!! :) Seriously though stop measuring my BMI then showing me how heavy I still am,then saying I haven't reached my goal that I set 30 Days ago?!? What? 50lbs in a month is unrealistic...gahhh.

She knows how to push buttons that Wendy but I still enjoy her Marching Band game, hula hooping, and riding my bike all over Wii World!! While Wii Fit is certainly a way to get exercise, I definitely don't see how it could be the only thing you use, well I guess if you do the other balance board games like Biggest Loser (that's a rough one) You COULD actually just do that. In conjunction with JUST DANCE!! Now that is a workout! Seriously if I do it for a good half hour, like really do it, not just wiggle the remote to get my score up, I sweat like I just finished an hour on the elyptical or something it's awesome!

Going back to Wendy, do you know that Biatch tollld me I need to lose 64lbs to be at the ideal weight?!? That's like my niece, I have to lose my niece off my body! I am however only 5' so clearly the size of a toddler. Obviously the next thing I did is put that as my goal for next month...just kidding I put 10lbs and she's still all that's a high goal BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! Yeah it's high If all I'm doing is going to your band camp but I'm not Wendy! I'm doing so much more!! SO SUCK IT!! Oh and my wii age or whatever, not 44!! I wasn't ready for that balance game ...

Yet another blog??

Ok so this is the first post of my new blog!! I am super excited to be writing probably my 10th blog?? Thank goodness I don't usually attach my name or you'd google me and find more blogs from awkward times in my life. Not that this isn't another one of those awkward times in my life but you know what I mean. My most recent awkward blog was about New Yorker issues or lack there of or maybe me at a lack of words, whatever I'm here now. THIS blog is intended to be my journey to return to the old spitfire,skinny,more confident version of myself, so not just the weightloss this is about a state of mind. I always hear people say "you've got to make your own story" Well this is mine...

Okay not to blame my husband but when I met him I was 50lbs lighter that's right! 50! That was 5 years ago! well take a look at the pictures that was then this is now the heavier picture is a little inaccurate since I've lost about 15lbs since then but the point is that was the low of low. I was the heaviest i've ever been, at a job I couldn't stand, living in an apartment I couldn't afford. Right now I actually am where I should be, I'm living in NYC again, I quit my job, I am married!, I started going to the gym 4x a week, and I am an NYC actress, livin' the dream.... last part...not so much.

If you are from NYC you know how many people are "actors" well what they tell me is as long as your doing your thing no matter where, paid or not, you are an actress! Or maybe that's just what I tell myself,either way that's what I am! So that is also part of my journey. Most of my blogs will certainly not be this long but this is a getting to know me blog. In addition to that I am going back to school! Yeah in case your wondering I'm 26! No I'm not going back for my masters! I'm still working on my bachelors well why? You ask? Because that's the part of "my story" that I made a wrong decision and went to acting school instead of going to a normal college but hey no regrets right? Wrong! I regret that very small but huge choice. You can't even be a receptionist without that stupid piece of paper!! So this is the part of my life when most people start having kids, Not I, I'm going to be that old mom one day and you know what? I'm okay with that...For now I will keep writing my story and hopefully one day it's a really good one! I'm a huge quote lover if you follow me on twitter you will notice I retweet many a quotes and I also have a lot of my own. A quote is a thought preserved like a picture. I'm constantly writing them down to save them and refer to them, they motivate me like nothing else.

This will be a blog about so many things, rants, workout regiments, eating habits, acting dilemmas, school life, friendship, maybe review some cool stuff, who knows. If you have read this whole thing I commend you. I hope you come back and maybe I can get to know you as well...

-Chris